being "polite" versus speaking your mind.

so, ladies (this isn't to exclude the gentlemen who might be reading this...this is just a female thing, i think), what's the deal with being polite to the exclusion of saying what you really think?

now i don't mean speaking every little snarky thing that comes to mind. i really don't.  my mama taught me to be respectful and, if you don't have something nice to say, to not say anything at all. i have made use of those lessons many a day (as a teacher, let me just let you imagine how many times i have bitten my snarky retorts back and proceeded with decorum...let me help by telling you that the answer is "a lot"). 

but i'm talking about the feeling that i need to, perhaps in fear of not being polite enough, not say what i really think or not confront a situation.

case in point: church and a new baby.  most of the people that i know at church are more than welcome to fawn over and adore my baby, and a few of them have even held her. i have zero problem with this.  i know them, i trust them, and thus i have no problem with this.  even as an overanxious first time mother with delusions of germs everywhere, i have no problem with this.

i do, however, have a problem with people i don't know coming up to my baby, touching her and kissing (!) her head, reaching back behind their chair to pat her when she's fussing (even though i am clearly in the middle of burping her), suggesting that perhaps the reason that she's fussing is that she's wet (no, actually, it's because i stopped her foodfest in order to prevent catastrophic gassiness), and telling me that her head is red and, upon hearing that she had a headband on earlier, telling me to be careful.

if you're a mom, i just want you to pause for a moment and imagine how you might feel when encountered by this situation. if you're not, i want you to ask yourself if you would ever have the audacity to do these things (the last three all happened in fairly quick succession, by the way). 

did i say anything? did i kindly suggest that she mind her own dang business, that our baby is fine and healthy and that we really didn't need any suggestions from the proverbial peanut gallery?

no. i didn't. i stewed in my own juices a little bit until the end of church, when my husband and i were in the car.  then, i said that if this particular person said one more thing to me i was going to LOSE MY MIND. 

but this whole situation has gotten me thinking about what we do as women. i feel like there are many times when i swallow what i really want to say in favor of either saying nothing or saying the socially appropriate thing.  i think there's definite merit in that--please don't get me wrong--but i wonder if there are times when i should be saying more than i'm saying.

when did we learn that we weren't allowed to stand up for ourselves in every circumstance? or, perhaps the better question: when is it appropriate to speak your mind and when is it more appropriate to keep quiet?

has anyone else had an experience like this? how did you decide?

Skinny people

Hmmm...now that the blog will be expanded, I will have to think of what other things from my glamourous life I can share with our readers :). For now, I will move forward with my previously contemplated topic of my skinny husband...

I married a skinny man. He's not sickly or even bony, but the guy is a lean machine! This is not due to his diet (which has dramatically improved since I stepped in). But, if I'm not around, he will eat donuts or pop tarts for breakfast, peanut butter and jam sandwich with chips, a snickers bar for a snack, a frozen skillet meal for dinner, and a heaping bowl of ice cream for dessert. Mind you he's very active, but he seems to burn off whatever he eats so dang easily! Now, I realize that there's more to health then merely just being skinny, but I can't help but be jealous of him when I feel it takes so much effort for me to control my weight.

And this isn't about just husbands. I've had my share of skinny roommates and other family members who eat whatever they want. They'll buy junk food and keep it around with no problem.

What I have to keep reminding myself is that just because someone eats unhealthily, I DON'T have to. I can find alternatives, I can have some self control, I can stop trying to compare myself to them, but it is really hard sometimes. Anyone else have this problem? What have you found to be helpful?

Branching out...

Because we may be branching out into other aspects beyond "health", I thought it would be fun to tell you a little bit more about myself, beyond what you see on this blog. 

Things that I am:

A daughter/granddaughter/cousin/sister/niece

A friend

A teacher

A roommate

A traveler

A foodie

A baker

An occasional cross-stitcher

A failed crocheter

A music lover

An occasional actress (my name will be in lights on Broadway one day)

....

The list can go on and on. I guess what I am trying to say is that there are so many different sides of me and everyone else, that we at So Maybe Your Mom Was Right felt the blog needed to move in a direction that could appeal to more people around us. So please please please, tell us what you want to hear. When we have happy readers, you have happy bloggers!

what we're thinking.

the gals here at SMMWR have been talking.

we think maybe we want to expand this blog to be about women and what makes them tick, including of course our quests to live healthy lives, but expanding that to include not just the physical elements of living healthy lives but all of the things that make us well-rounded daughters, wives, mothers, friends, and employees.

quite frankly, i'll admit it--i don't feel like anybody's posterchild for physical fitness, so i feel like a great big flashing neon sign that says HYPOCRITE starts going off whenever i think about posting about a non-existent exercise regime or my less than stellar food choices. 

(i'm nothing if not honest--you've got to give me that.)

so when ashlee suggested this change, i thought it was brilliant. 

so i pose this question to you, our loyal readers: what would you like to read about, talk about, learn about? what would you like to share with us or get advice about? i know that, as a new mom, i would love to open the floor for parenting issues and suggestions.  what would help you? what would you like to see?

i'm excited about these changes, and would love to hear about what you might be interested in. it will help us figure out our new directions and focus, both individually and as a blog crew.

tell us!

A fiasco...

Yesterday I tried to go to Zumba. I haven't been to a Zumba class since December because I don't really like the instructor that teaches at the time I can go. I mean, she is a good instructor and in fantastic shape, but she turns her class more into a hip-hop class, when I really want Latin dancing. It's not a big deal, but you know, everyone has their preferences...

I digress.

As I said, I tried to go to Zumba. When I arrived at the building, there was a security guard outside the door, pointing to a sign that said "Zumba: SOLD OUT". I asked him about that and he said the class really was sold out. I asked how this could be, and how I could get on the list in order to be admitted to the class. 

He replied that there was no list, but people had to line up for the class and when all the spots were taken, everyone else was turned away. I looked at my watch (it was 7:20 pm) and asked what time people lined up for the 7:40 pm class. He said they started lining up at 6pm. SIX PM! Are you kidding me?? Who has time for that?? 

I'm glad Zumba is gaining popularity, but really, this is starting to border on ridiculous. So I walked back to my car and drove home, really upset. There was no way I was going to the gym (all the machines would be taken and I didn't have time to make it to the 8 pm aerobics class). 

So I did the next best thing. I went for a walk. I walked about 2 miles before it started to get dark, and I stopped by my old house to get my bike (its been in the basement for about a year). 

The point to all this is that I didn't let this Zumba fiasco derail me. I could have easily gone home and watched Glee instead of working out. It wasn't the best workout (although walking uphill with a bike with flat tires is no easy feat), but when I got home I was sweaty and felt accomplished. 

Which is really the point to all of this (Feeling accomplished. Not sweaty, although its good to be sweaty sometimes....oh, never mind...).

On the agenda for tonight: Sand Volleyball (if the courts aren't all in use).

Doing good for yourself and others!

First of all, Adriana, those were really great insights you posted...I think I'm in love with eating...

So, I think I'm going to get back on the weight watchers train. I joined back in 2005 and became a lifetime member. I've tried to keep up with it but then I start estimating points values and start thinking I don't actually need to "track". I cheat it and then get frustrated that I'm not making any progress. But the bottom-line is that the system really does work if you do it right.

Anyhow, someone who is close to me is starting to get very serious about losing weight. I recommended weight watchers and even volunteered to get back on track so that they could have some support.

I know you should be healthy and feel good for yourself, but it's motivating to do it for others too. I'm not talking about looking good to please someone, but making healthy decisions can affect those around you in a positive way. Trying to support this person by joining them has made me more careful with my actions. I can find ways to cheat myself, but when it comes to someone else, I want to be loyal and dependable.

I would say whether you have a buddy you're working toward healthy goals with or if you have family/friends that want to see you happy and healthy (and vice/versa), it helps to think about how you can set an example and help them by making good choices!!

A foodie's revelation

The other day I was blogging browsing and I came upon a weight loss blog, All the Weigh. Great blog, and its writer has done some amazing things with her weight loss goals. Anyway, the entry was from a guest blogger, who also has lost a fair amount of weight. She wrote about how to be a foodie but still lose weight.

Now I should back up and say that I consider myself a foodie. I love love love trying new food (my last adventure was Ethiopian food. It was a divine!) and I love cooking new recipes. But alas, with that comes the addition of pounds. 

Back to the original story, in this blog I found a quote that I wanted to share with you:

One character asks the very slim owner of a gourmet deli how he can be a foodie and be so thin.  The deli owner replies: "If you're surrounded by gourmet food and you gain weight, you don't love food - you love eating.  You can experience a burst of flavor in a tiny bite of roasted red pepper."

All of a sudden, I had a revelation. It is so true! The first few bites of something are always the best and when as you finish off what ever you are eating, you are trying to recreate the first bite (with little success). So you stuff yourself, trying to get back to the first bite, when really, you should be moving on to something else. 

Which is why people who take small bites of everything, instead of plate fulls of everything, are better able to lose weight/maintain their weight. This is a lesson I should have learned from my friend Laura, who has always been very slender. She just needs a bite here and there to satisfy herself. I used to join her in her bites here and there...and then serve myself a a bigger portion. But if I can somehow rewire my brain to be satisfied with a few bites...imagine the possibilities!

So that is going to be my goal this week. I am going to New York City this weekend and am going to put my plan into action! I am going to enjoy my meals, and stop when I am moderately full. I'll let you know how it goes!